2. Captain Kangaroo made me really nervous as a kid. Why would a sea captain make a best friend of a farmer named Mr. Greenjeans and how come Captain Kangaroo looked so much like Mr. McFeely? I think Mr. Rogers worked for the secret government. Why did he always have to wear that sweater?
3. My math skills are so under par I was exempt from all math courses in high school. The last math textbook I used contained little cartoon figures named 'Alpha' and 'Beta' introducing each lesson. They walked me through the treacherous minefield that was multiplication. I still know my times tables only up to five and am suspect of all cartoons, which can probably also be blamed on Captain Kangaroo.
4. I would give anything to be flat chested and go braless. Jogging and running free have been theoretical since I was twelve.
5. The Rainbow Connection as sung by Kermit the Frog always makes me cry. I feel a keen sense of competition towards Miss Piggy.
6. My ideal man looks like Humphrey Bogart or Todd Rundgren. I married my first husband based on his strong resemblance to them and parted company eight months later with a visceral understanding that looks are not everything. However, if anyone knows Billy Bob Thornton, please give him my number.
7. I have A.D.D. and dyslexia, so if I hastily write DOG instead of GOD, don't take offense. Spellcheck can only help so much.
8. I can read Tarot Cards, have studied and practiced astrology, numerology, Chinese Face Reading and Graphology (handwriting analysis) for years. I've attended mystery schools and studied the teachings of the Ascended Masters, meditation, yoga, theosophy and Catholic theology. I was raised Catholic, taught catechism classes when my kids were growing up and still attend mass. I'm an equal-opportunity seeker believing that truth is within the person not the practice but that the practice makes the truth easier to find. Saying 'I love you' is a theoretical application of the highest spiritual principle. Demonstrating that love is the highest expression of divinity on this earth. To practice what we preach is the most daunting challenge we will ever be faced with.
9. I spend most of my days in the company of my three dogs while I work in my studio. Sometimes I go twelve hours without saying one word.
10. My favorite days are cloudy and windy. I resonate with Wuthering Heights and wish I were Cathy to somebody's Heathcliff. Fully realizing this will never be, I have settled on Mr. and Mrs. Bridges; coincidentally, even to the point of moving to Kansas City.
11. In my best fantasy, life has a sound track and we each have our own theme song that plays whenever we want to make a splash. I call dibs on To Dream The Impossible Dream with a second choice of Call Me Irresponsible.
12. I sometimes wish I'd finished college. As it now stands I am under-educated and overly-sensitive with a high I.Q. and low self-esteem. If Alpha and Beta were here, they'd round that out to a moderately functioning example of the logistic equation of Chaos whose sum is greater than her parts with a common denominator of wishful thinking divided by tenacity and squared to the power of there ain't no where to go from here multiplied by tomorrow.
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