On the edge of happiness there is a small blight of conscience. It rests there without having been given any formal invitation and with an air of entitlement knowing that without it, you cannot reach whatever deep joy may be available to you.
Increasingly I'm finding it level me with an indifferent stare at each point in my day that is in any way inclined toward unexamined bliss or undeserved relief.
I can only assume it must be there for a very important reason.
In fact, I am recognizing that same specter of conscience restraining unearned joy from almost everyone I know, and I find it curious that it should now be surfacing in these exaggerated proportions all over the place.
Of course, conscience has always been there, but perhaps because we've chosen to live in such complete hedonistic ignorance for such a protracted span, it has grown more vociferous until now it has become a karmic hegemony under which all other emotions and thoughts are thoroughly subject?
It has been said by some that after December 21st, 2012 our world will cease to exist in its present form.
If this is true, I am wondering if the hardships that have escalated for so many of us might not be actual blessings; that they are preparing us for that point when letting go will not only be recommended but, in fact, mandatory or we won't be able to survive?
What I've noticed is not that happiness has been taken away from us or that there is no point in seeking it out, but rather that we are simply having to work harder to find and sustain it. Additionally, we are asked to recognize it, treasure it and be grateful for it.
At the moment I cannot think of one single person I know personally who is not tackling an unusually menacing beast of blockage or reckoning. Judging from the circumstantial fallout, it would seem that the beast is the remnant of any shadow in life that is either destructive and has been overly indulged or one that holds much promise but has been denied nourishment. It is now unleashing such a rapacious appetite it will either be fed by you or else you will become the meal.
Whatever the specific point of awakening, we have only two choices: We can confront and control it or we can pretend nothing has changed and we will be torn to pieces.
The grace period appears to be over putting us all under the gun of choice, and we had better do some heavy re-evaluating or we are liable to get shot in the head by the callous bullet of indecision.
There are many possible scenarios for the 2012 shift; some center on geophysical earth changes; some on societal, governmental and world changes; on fiscal insolvency or war. Others bring us to a new paradigm of thought and are built upon the proposed quantum leap of consciousness that supposedly will occur once our planet passes through the Nuclear Bulge or Galactic Center of the Milky Way galaxy between Sagittarius and Scorpio on that fated December day.
The common upshot from all these scenarios is the ushering in of great change but one that comes with a certain amount of discomfort. Of course, the metaphorical equivalent for this transition is the birth process.
If that is the case, I think it helps to bear in mind the secondary process associated with birth, which is the willingness of the mother to endure the birth pangs and discomfort for the greater gift of what it produces in the end.
Before any transformation can begin, there has to be an absolute acceptance and a willingness to go through the labor pains with your only attachment being to yield a healthy, beautiful, bouncing outcome.
So, what I'm seeing in these varying levels of implosion in our lives are the beginnings of the birth process.
And what seems to be the central message to us is that our current state of denial about who we are and the callous disregard we hold towards one another is no longer being treated lightly by the Cosmic Powers that be, so all those dark corners of our shadow sides are being driven out into the light for appraisal and either a redressing or re-calibration.
It is unquestionably painful but at the same time there is this sense of it being a purgative cleansing and intensely gratifying if we handle it with integrity and openness.
That is not always easy to do when you are in pain, I know. When your marriage is imploding or your addiction is raging or your friendships are disintegrating or your finances are dissolving or your family is fracturing or your loved ones are dying; when there isn't a soft landing visible anywhere in your world and you are quickly burning up your last reserve of courage.
But those are the very situations serving as the crucibles that will either turn us into the victors over our worst selves or burn us to dark ash.
If we want to deliver a better future, the only real choice we have is to embrace the reality that if we respond in love first, we will produce a healthy humanity and the resolutions that we arrive at with respect to our personal life situations will be in perfect alignment with grace.
Basically, we either give birth to the baby or get eaten by the beast. It's pretty simple. And that applies whether 2012 pans out like Y2K or not.
We all got knocked-up by life and made some pretty self-centered, destructive and lame choices throughout our planetary pregnancy; but it's not too late to alter our habits and rise to the noble and sacred challenge of bringing this terrestrial baby to term with as much love, care and caution as we can muster in whatever time we have left. And who knows how long that really is?
We may struggle now to find that comfortable position where we don't feel over-burdened by the weight of change as a better world kicks against our bellies and to ease the aching in our swollen feet as we gamely walk through our troubled days; but while these impositions are necessary, they are also temporary.
Someday these shifts and challenges will recede into memory as we lovingly cradle the soft crown of a new and innocent humanity that requires nothing more of us than our gratitude and continued nurturing.
Someday, we will once more PLAY.
But for now it seems we bear the possibilities with the choice as to whether or not we will one day celebrate a new life or be crushed by the fissured and outmoded structure of the old one.
I guess we've got to do our pre-natal housecleaning to earn our post-natal bliss.
Maybe its time to start sweeping?
