My stomach is beginning to tighten.
Where to begin?
1. I am chronically late. It is now 9 p.m.. You requested our Open Call lists over twelve hours ago.
2. Forgetful and scattered. When my youngest was in preschool I was terrified I'd forget to send her in with her teddy bear on Teddy Bear Day just as I had forgotten to put her older sister in pajama's on Pajama Day and pack her older brother a sack lunch on Picnic Day. I was so proud of myself when I remembered to put the bear in the car and felt like celebrating when I arrived at her preschool. That was before I noticed that I'd left her at home. (Don't worry. Her father was at home at the time. And besides, I'm sure the Statute of Limitations applies here, I'm quite certain.)
3. I loathe talking on the phone. It requires spontaneity and good verbal communication skills. I have neither. Last night I watched the movie 'The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter' about the life of a deaf mute. I was jealous.
4. I never look at the expiration date on perishables. Today I brought home and orange juice from the grocery store that had an expiration date from last Thursday.
5 I hate confrontation. I would never return to the grocery store to complain that they sold orange juice today that had an expiration date from last Thursday.
6. I'm emotionally lazy. Rather than work on standing up for myself, I married an overly-assertive man was because HE would return to the grocery store to complain that they sold orange juice today that had an expiration date from last Thursday.
7. Frequently I mail letters without stamps.
8. If solitude were a state of being that paid by the hour, I'd have enough money to buy my own island. Coconuts do not have expiration dates.
9. Wherever I am, I dream of being someplace else.
10. I'm insecure about everything of, in, on, and about myself. When I receive praise for something I've done, I feel undeserving. When praise is withheld, I feel I deserve to feel undeserving.
11. I am a sloppy artist. Rather than aim for perfection, I spend more time working out how to cover up all of my mistakes.
12. My attention span is severely limited and I bore easily. Although I have a boatload of flaws left to list, I'm already eyeing my colored pencils with disturbing intensity.
Besides, my stomach is still a bit queasy. Probably from drinking the orange juice I bought today that had and expiration date from last Thursday.
