I found another example of this during the "Cool Kid" debate on OS. I don't know specifically how it began or what the underlying motivation was because I am too new to OS to know many of the snarky backstories and too focused on my own literary microcosm to care. And so I read the posts and reciprocal comments with both confusion and fascination.
I also read them with a penitent gnawing at the back of my waning self-righteousness because I knew that I, myself, had recently extracted my big toe from my big mouth and dipped it into a similar fracas.
I had let myself become wounded and offended by a posting and the subsequent comments of a fellow OSer and rather than extend an invitation to reason and question or disclaim them quietly and privately, I welcomed the big boys of vindication and unleashed a wild punch right in the center ring of the OS training camp.
Given the wide birth I have always extended to compromise over the years, I must say it felt good to be the one doling out the vitriol.
At first.
But quite soon it became a hollow satisfaction, which surprised me and it was definitely not the sort of gloating that I was willing to accommodate.
Within twenty-four hours I had PM'd my perceived antagonist with a very contrite and sincere apology for calling her out in such a public way and a couple of hours after that the two of us were exchanging animated PM's full of both relief and happiness that our conflict had such a positive resolution.
We even took it a step further, at her brave initiative, and made our peace in the same public forum in which we had enacted our jaundiced exchange only the day before.
Ironically, we are now becoming friends enjoying a mutual admiration and respect for one another, as well as the discovery of several life similarities that are as striking as they are unifying. It is an example of the power of humility and forgiveness in action and it is a necessary though, sadly, all too infrequent occurrence.
And that evening as I took another late-night perusal around OS, I began to see the seeds of that principle sprouting in various forms everywhere, from the comments to the blogs; and I couldn't help but wonder what sort divine canopy of goodwill and grace must be hovering over our destructive heads which keeps us from committing all-out verbal OS genocide.
I'd like to think that it is one of our own making; that it is constructed from the inherent etheric nodes of decency and kindness that lie at the core of our collective souls; that it is our own better humanity just trying to inform us that pain is never a welcomed verb to either inflict or to feel; that it exists as a reminder to look up to the heavens and to our ultimate destination before we furnish our discontent with enough power to provoke us so that we lash out in anger first and ask questions later.
This world is a training ground, with OS being merely a minor match within a much larger event; the one we all struggle through with hard work and conditioning in the hopes we will just survive our daily bouts.
And like everything else, it comes with choices. We can choose to serve as compositional cut men and dispense articulate, wordy bandages or as predatory bullies feeding off the trepidation of the floundering lightweights circling this prolific ring.
For myself, I have to admit that even though there was a moment when I felt I needed to express my displeasure in a way that could be witnessed by all, that moment was brief. And had I just waited out my immediate compulsion to flail away with fisted vowels flying, I would have been the better for it.....because I probably would not have done it at all.
So I learned some things. I learned them as a result of my own flawed actions, and I learned from observing the interactions of some others. I didn't feel good about myself until I made good with the person I clobbered.
Hopefully, the conciliatory trend I witnessed elsewhere had the same restorative calm upon those others who selected that option.
Of course, I'll never really know, but being a firm believer in redemption and in the existence of a story much greater than the ones we tell ourselves, I think there is a lot to cheer about.
The next opponent I take down is going to be my ignorance, so grab a seat.
The gloves are on.
